Losing my voice


If you know me, you might know that I love to sing.  I love to sing LOUD.  My favorite part of the worship service is the SINGING!  I love to belt it out, play with the harmonies, go my own way with the melodies, add little echos in the empty spaces. I love the way my voice sounds with others, I love to hear the sounds ringing in my ears and vibrate in my head.

But lately I have lost my voice.

I’m not talking about my singing voice.  I’m talking about the voice that  talks in my head and tells me who I am, what I believe and where I am headed.  This has been a tough year.  I haven’t written about all the things that have been going on on our side of the planet but you may know a few.

  • Robert’s back surgery in June
  • Two long separations while he was in the States
  • Rocky marriage road
  • Robert’s mom’s ankle broke on 1st day of 3 week visit here in Albania in October
  • Counseling in Germany in December
  • Trying to sell (still) the shares in my business (MIDI for Kids)
  • On-going culture and language stress
  • The death of my 98 year old grandfather in March
  • And just this week… appendectomy for my 9 year old son (Yes, we had the surgery done here in Albania.  That is another post for another day)

Now, I don’t write the list to gain any sympathy.  It is what it is: LIFE.  With all it’s ups and downs, bumps and rabbit trails.  It is easy to set yourself on auto pilot for a while when you are trying to navigate through difficult times.  But after a while, you can find that the autopilot was off just a few degrees and if you stay there too long you are way off course.  And correcting course when you have gotten off can take time and twice as much effort. This is the place I am living right now.

As I have been reflecting this week about Jesus, the cross and the way to our salvation, I am remembering that it is the death of things that then brings new life.  His death has brought us a way to live a new life.  And Sunday is coming!  The day of rejoicing!  The day of his victory!  And… the day of our victory!   I am praying for the death of old things in my life and the birth of new things.  For out of the tomb comes a chance for me to find my voice again.  I find that I have renewed passion, renewed energy, renewed love for life, renewed vision, and a voice to SING again.

9 In that day they will say,
“Surely this is our God;
we trusted in him, and he saved us.
This is the LORD, we trusted in him;

let us REJOICE and be glad in his salvation.”

~Issiah 25:9

2 responses »

  1. i love you sister! you have always been “real” and 6od will bless that. you sharing your struggles gives “permission” to a lot of women (and men) to be real as well and know that they are still loved with gods unconditional love and grace and mercy. chrissy marsee

  2. Dear Jenny (and Robert),

    I am always glad to get the messages and update from you. You both have had your share of trials during your minisry in Albania. The way you live your way through them is a strong wittness of your Christian faith to friends and family.

    I have spent precious little time with you through out your life but each time we have been together has been special. I know I would have greatly enjoyed living closer to you and your family so we could have shared more. I am sure your parents are very proud of the woman you have become, They have every right to be.

    I wish you both the best as you continue to do God’s work in the place you have chosen. I have very few aspirations to foriegn travel but the idea of coming to share in your minisry there has a lot of appeal. We will see.

    God bless you both,


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