Our friends Bret and Meredith have a 3 year old son with cancer. They live in KY and their son Crosby is a trooper. This little guy is in the second half of 22 weeks of chemotherapy treatment. Mer has been writing about their experiences and keeping us updated on their prayer needs online so we have had a day to day glimpse of their ups and downs. She wrote this week about the “magic cream” application that (from what I understand) they do several times a week when Crosby has his port accessed. The port is under the skin of his abdomen where Dr.s can quickly give him meds. The cream acts as a numbing agent so the port access is painless. But over the weeks, they have found the cream application has been a difficult and painful regimen. Even though the clinic has told them the application should not hurt, Crosby has often screamed and cried in pain.
There are similarities to this cream application in our relationship with God. When we are in pain, hurting, in need of His healing, it is easy for us to push Him away and try to work things out on our own. And the pain and hurt can grow inside of us like a cancer. I know… I have a pain inside of me that has been growing for two years. And do you know that I only came to that realization tonight…. it has really been two years since that small seed of pain began inside of me. One small thing that has grown and grown to an overwhelming size that even allowing God to touch it at all is painful. That initial cream application has me kicking and screaming all the way. I know it will help the healing process, but I don’t want to take that first, very painful step to allow Him access to the inner most places where I hurt. But when I do allow him access (even kicking and screaming), His soothing balm washes over me and refreshes me. It lessens the pain of the healing process He is doing deep inside. And I need the numbing effect that the painful cream application gives me, And you know what? I am a lot like Crosby, in a little while, I forget all the pain that the cream gave me and I can watch the needle of true healing pierce me deeply as the Lord gives me the real medicine I need. And it all is still painful. The hurt is deep, the wound is bleeding. I am still crying, depressed, grouchy, waking up at night, yelling at the people I love… sigh…. thank God His grace abounds even for me. Time won’t heal all wounds, but He will.
One of my favorite passages for time of dispair and hopelessness is this, from Lamentaions
19 I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
20 I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”
25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
Lord, I am waiting.