Finding Beauty January 30, 2008

Recently my mom told me she hoped I would find a moment of beauty in my day. I confess that I don’t see much beauty in the winter. It seems like a dreary, yucky time of year to me. And since we don’t have the beautiful snow of the mountains of Colorado, the rain and mud here don’t really speak to me in the same way!

But I have been looking for beauty in my days. I have been lighting candles in my living room and kitchen… the smells and soft light bring a peace to the room. I have been playing music more… the sounds are soothing to the soul. And I have been asking God to show me beauty, small bits of it, in my day.

This morning, I sat down in the kitchen after breakfast with my computer to catch up on some blog reading and turned on some music. Before long Jadyn was dancing at my feet. As I looked at her she smiled and grinned, lifting her hands up to the sky. The song was “The Glory of your Name” by Watermark (oh how I miss Watermark! When the kids are grown I pray they will make more albums!) I picked her up and we danced around the kitchen, singing. She has the BEST giggle! After I was out of breath, she said “Mo! (more)” and we did it all again. What a beautiful moment. I said, “Look at mama” and she gave me a sweet, secret smile with her chin tucked down as if to say “We have a special secret, mom, in these beautiful moments.” Oh how I love my beautiful daughter… what a gift!

The Cream Application- A revelation January 29, 2008

Our friends Bret and Meredith have a 3 year old son with cancer. They live in KY and their son Crosby is a trooper. This little guy is in the second half of 22 weeks of chemotherapy treatment. Mer has been writing about their experiences and keeping us updated on their prayer needs online so we have had a day to day glimpse of their ups and downs. She wrote this week about the “magic cream” application that (from what I understand) they do several times a week when Crosby has his port accessed. The port is under the skin of his abdomen where Dr.s can quickly give him meds. The cream acts as a numbing agent so the port access is painless. But over the weeks, they have found the cream application has been a difficult and painful regimen. Even though the clinic has told them the application should not hurt, Crosby has often screamed and cried in pain.

There are similarities to this cream application in our relationship with God. When we are in pain, hurting, in need of His healing, it is easy for us to push Him away and try to work things out on our own. And the pain and hurt can grow inside of us like a cancer. I know… I have a pain inside of me that has been growing for two years. And do you know that I only came to that realization tonight…. it has really been two years since that small seed of pain began inside of me. One small thing that has grown and grown to an overwhelming size that even allowing God to touch it at all is painful. That initial cream application has me kicking and screaming all the way. I know it will help the healing process, but I don’t want to take that first, very painful step to allow Him access to the inner most places where I hurt. But when I do allow him access (even kicking and screaming), His soothing balm washes over me and refreshes me. It lessens the pain of the healing process He is doing deep inside. And I need the numbing effect that the painful cream application gives me, And you know what? I am a lot like Crosby, in a little while, I forget all the pain that the cream gave me and I can watch the needle of true healing pierce me deeply as the Lord gives me the real medicine I need. And it all is still painful. The hurt is deep, the wound is bleeding. I am still crying, depressed, grouchy, waking up at night, yelling at the people I love… sigh…. thank God His grace abounds even for me. Time won’t heal all wounds, but He will.

One of my favorite passages for time of dispair and hopelessness is this, from Lamentaions

19 I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.

20 I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.

21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

22 Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

24 I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”

25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

Lord, I am waiting.

An orphanage visit January 21, 2008

Yesterday we went to our friend’s house for dinner. Bob and Cathy (and their 4 kids ages 10-17) are from Washington State and are serving as the house parents at the Bethany Christian Center Orphanage on the outskirts of Tirana. They live in an apartment on the second floor of the main building which houses about 40 orphaned babies under 12 months. As we were waiting for dinner to cook, Cathy took me downstairs to visit the babies. There was a large play area with about 10 -12 babies crawling or laying around on the floor or mattresses. PRECIOUS! Words are not enough to describe the feelings you experience when you hold and love on these babies and see their faces light up with delight as you play and interact with them. As I moved from baby to baby, Jadyn was getting a little jealous, trying to sit in my lap, or pull on my leg. She did NOT want to share her mommy or any of the toys she selected. I wondered if she has any memories of her own time in the orphanage or other children she might have played with while in the care of her foster family. It was truly heartbreaking to leave the children because one will always be crying and there are not nearly enough hands to hold and stimulate all the babies in the way that they need. Please pray for forever families for these precious ones. Bethany’s goal is to place them with adoptive families or return them to their own home by the time they are 3 years old. But the Albanian adoption process is long, expensive and tedious. (Even more so than China!)

In the muck August 3, 2007

It has been a long time since I have written or posted anything. I have been in a funk. It has been a long, hot summer here in Albania. And I have been feeling lethargic and melancholy. It has really been a year of amazing change. We are coming up on the 6 month anniversary of Gotcha Day for Jadyn on August 5th (also our 12th Anniversary!) She has changed so much! We are starting to see her funny side, her loving side and even her stubborn side. She makes us laugh so much! Sometimes life is a roller coaster… many ups along with the downs.

Yesterday, I watch my neighbors sweep out the water from the potholes/ruts outside their house. Mind you we have had no rain, but when they use water in their home it drains into the street and thus into the ruts along the road. After a few days, the water becomes stagnant and smells horrible. I was telling my friend Sonja today that I feel like that sometimes, that I am constantly sweeping the muck out from my potholes. But they just keep filling up! AGH! And so I go at it again, over and over, sweeping and sweeping. Some days I feel tired and worn out from the monotony of the task. Did you know that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results? Sometimes I sweep the muck out of those potholes of mine over and over and find that I am looking for a different result. But the muck is still there.

Sonja had a wise observation… that under that muck somewhere is the well-spring of life. In the desert the water is UNDER the sand. You have to dig find the water! Sometimes while you dig, you will find that the sand keeps falling into the hole from which you are digging out! But if you keep digging you will eventually find that water. And while when you find it there may only be a trickle, if you keep digging, at some point you will find that the water begins to bubble up on its own. You have reached the wellspring of LIFE! What a lesson for me today! The modern message for today….WHERE IS MY SHOVEL?

Gates: A doorway to the heart May 14, 2007

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Everyone has a gate here in Albania. When we first arrived, the streets looked bare and deserted to me. All the side streets are lined with concrete walls and falling down metal wooden doors. But these are actually gates to people homes. It really is like walk through a neighborhood edition but everyone’s yard is hidden. On the outside many of them look run down and old. Surely no one lives THERE, I would say to myself. But if you can find an open gate somewhere, you can catch a glimpse into a whole other side of Albanian life. The obor (courtyards) are lush with greenery and plants. Trees are full of fruit in it’s season. Tiled sidewalks and driveways have replaced the concrete, pavement and dirt of the main streets. There are seating areas in the shade and tables for family gatherings. They are well kept and clean, a contrast to the dusty and trash filled streets of the city. These gates lead to another world inside the life and heart of an Albanian. Hidden from the outside world it is a place open to you by invitation only, unless you happen to be walking by when the gate is open and catch a glimpse of the inside. If you are uninvited you might be able to peek in, but you will be looked at with suspicion and wariness.

How this mirrors our ministry here in Albania! As you walk the street of Albania, you will find that no one smiles. Even if I am smiling at someone as I pass them on the street, they frequently stare me down with an expressionless face. Until I say “Mire dita (good day), Si jeni (how are you)?” The change is remarkable. This happened to me just the other day when I passed an old woman in a traditional black dress and white scarf. She was studying me (it is not considered rude to stare) but with a blank and expressionless face.  But when I greeted her, the transformation of her face was remarkable.  Her eyes lit up, she smiled a somewhat toothless smile and her entire demeanor changed.

The same is true when we meet Christ!  We are transformed!  What was blank and expressionless in us is transformed to His image.  We become changed.  Out hearts become the oasis from the world we live in because HE LIVES IN US!  I am surprised and overwhelmed at how often I forget this simple truth and how I can tap into that oasis in my own being, in my own soul because He lives in me.  His power is there, waiting for the greeting and welcome that I will give him.  “Therefore I stand at the door and knock.  Whoever opens the door, I will come in and eat with Him and he with me.”  Praise God… I can open the gate!

The POWER of ONE: YOU are a missionary April 27, 2007

You know many people have said to me, “I admire what you are doing.” But the truth is, I could have been doing the same thing I am doing now, praying for and ministering to Muslims, right where I was living in OK. AC, our pastor at New Covenant, has a saying, “Every Member is a Minister.” But we can go further than that. EVERY CHRISTIAN IS A MISSIONARY. Since Jesus said “Therefore go and make disciples of ALL the NATIONS…” (Matt 28:19) it makes sense for us not just to be missionaries in our neighborhoods, but cross-cultural missionaries to our neighbors of other nations and cultures in order to really reach the ends of the earth. You may not be called to GO to the nations like our family, maybe the nations have come to you: in the form of ONE Muslim you know. We reach Muslims one at a time. It is called the POWER of ONE.

We went last summer to Florida for a training with the Crescent Project. Their mission is to reach Muslims for Christ. Will you begin to pray with us about reaching a million Muslims in 2007? You have the POWER to reach ONE Muslim for Christ and change the world. Read the e-mail we received today from Fouad Mosari about the POWER of One. You’ll have to follow up by reading Robert’s blog today about meeting a devout Muslim man at the local pizza place. While trying to convert Robert to Islam, Robert and another missionary (and the Holy Spirit) led the man to agree to read the Bible to find out more about Jesus and meet again for coffee to discuss. Praise GOD!

What’s one in a million? More than you may think.

At Crescent Project, we want to help you share the love of Christ with a Muslim around you.

Maybe she is the covered woman you’ve seen in your neighborhood, but have never gone out to meet her. Maybe he is the co-worker that you know is from Pakistan, but you’ve never gotten into that conversation.

If that’s your story, we have organized the Million Muslim Outreach for you and the one Muslim you know.

Our vision is to see that one million American Muslims hear the gospel in 2007. We’re working with other Christian groups and churches to make this vision a reality. The message will spread through individual Christians living for Jesus. We believe in the power of one:

* 1 Christian committed to sharing the message of Jesus

* 1 Muslim’s life changed creates a ripple effect among friends and family

A Million Muslim Outreach. It will only be a “catchy idea” unless you choose to act. Get involved today. Share the message of Christ with a Muslim.

Learn more about the Million Muslim Outreach Download PDF here.

Tears of China April 25, 2007

I wept today when I read this story forwarded to me by one of the families with whom we traveled to China. My heart is breaking for the murdered babes, their mothers and fathers and the fear that must now grip the hearts of others. These were babies in their 7th, 8th and 9th month of life, forcibly killed without the consent of the mother or father. What if it had been Jadyn and we never knew her because of some “family planning quota” that was not being met in her province?!!? In the deepest places of my heart, I know that Jesus is weeping today.

Forced Abortions in China- Story on NPR

Welcome to Delaware (Albania?) April 10, 2007

This has been such an up and down season for me and for us as a family. When I look back over the last year, I am overwhelmed by the changes we have seen in our life. Changing jobs, selling our house and a good part of our possessions (my parents may disagree with this part since their basement serves as the “Wheelis Storage Facility”), moving across the world, changing schools for the boys, learning a new language, losing a buisness, traveling 2/3 of the globe again to adopt a precious daughter. The list could go on…. It has really been a spiritual winter for me. I have really been looking at the losses a lot. I heard this song again today and listened to it again two or three times, letting the words really soak into my heart. He really has been here to say, “All you really have here now is ME.” What an amazing discovery! This journey may not be for all we think it is! Sharing the love of Christ, while important to our Lord, is really secondary to my personal love relationship with Him. He wants me to rely only on Him, for Him to be the most important thing in my day. What an awe inspiring thought to think that this all may have been just for me to KNOW HIM MORE.

Well it’s bitter cold December,
and the leaves have fallen true
And I do believe I’m still in love with You
Yeah, my scenery keeps changing
and sometimes it’s hard to view
But You’ve let me see so much since I’ve known You
But I headed to where it seemed like nowhere
You told me You’d come
You told me You’d meet me here

You were here to say,
“Welcome to Delaware,
I know you’ve traveled far,
And it’s a lot colder here than what you’re used to,
And I know, that in the winter time,
things aren’t what they used to be
So all you really have here now, is Me…“

So I’ve settled here, and that is that
For You to show me who I am
You had to take me to a place I’d never been
And all the things I dreaded most
About the things unseen…
Have now become the sweetest part of me!
And though I headed to where it seemed like no where
I knew You would come,
I knew You would meet me here…

You were here to say,
“Welcome to Delaware,
I know you’ve traveled far,
And it’s a lot colder here than what you’re used to,
And I know, that in the winter time,
things aren’t what they used to be
So all you really have here now, is Me…”

-Watermark